What Do You See Nurse?

What Do You See, Nurse?
Or
Crabby Old Woman
or
Kate

(NOTE: This poem was reportedly written by a woman who died in the geriatric ward of Ashludie Hospital near Dundee, Scotland. It was found among her possessions and so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. Though it was addressed to the nurses who surrounded the woman in her last days, it cries for recognition of a common humanity...it could have been written to all of us).

What do you see, nurse... what do you see? What are you thinking - when you look at me:"A crabby old woman, not very wise;Uncertain of habit with far-away eyes,
Who dribbles her food and makes no replyWhen you say in a loud voice 'I do wish you'd try.'"
Who seems not to notice the things that you doAnd forever is losing a stocking or shoe;
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you willWith bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?Then open your eyes, nurse. You're not looking at me!

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still.As I move at your bidding, eat at your will:
- I'm a small child of ten with a father and mother, Brothers and sisters who love one another;- A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet, Dreaming that soon a love she'll meet;
- A bride at twenty, my heart gives a leap, Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;- At twenty-five now I have young of my own Who need me to build a secure, happy home.- A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast. Bound together with ties that should last.
- At forty, my young sons have grown up and gone, But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn;- At fifty once more babies play 'round my knee Again we know children, my loved ones and me...

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.I look at the future, I shudder with dread.For my young are all rearing young of their own,And I think of the years and the love that I've known.

I'm an old woman now, and nature is cruel.'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart.There is a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,And now again my bittered heart swells;I remember the joys, I remember the painand I'm loving and living life over again;

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fastAnd accept the stark fact that nothing can last;So open your eyes, nurse, open and see...not a crabby old woman. Look closer... see me!